| Friday, November 27th, 2009 |
| 11:46 am |
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| Thursday, November 26th, 2009 |
| 9:51 am |
my tongue blew up again. shit's fucking pAAAINful! MOTHerfuuuuCKer!!!! i drank coffee and swallowed 2 acetaminophen. vasoconstriction, please. it's happening now. is this premature aging due to lack of Jing, or what? |
| Wednesday, November 25th, 2009 |
| 9:31 pm |
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| 9:05 pm |
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| 9:00 pm |
i blew into a plastic baby today and got certified in CPR. |
| Tuesday, November 24th, 2009 |
| 10:48 pm |
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| Monday, November 23rd, 2009 |
| 8:01 pm |
as i sit here pantsless eating popcorn, i can feel the blood coming. it's f*cking wonderful. i wonder if i will ever write a song that feels like i'm really singing this and mean it for more than two lines. i always feel like i'm reciting the alphabet. unless someone wrote it for me. shameful. i had my first freak out with billy yesterday at fire hour. and i got scared that he is learning my magnitude but he just asked me to hold onto him and i did. no one has ever done that before. we broke the cranium off my plastic skeleton, though. i am not bipolar. i don't think..maybe i don't even believe in bipolar. like some people don't believe is fairies or fags or fibromyalgia. or addiction. i may not believe in addiction either. but i have to say maybe because i do believe in possibility. you went away this morning. you left at 5 AM and i was devastated for a few hours after that, but i was asleep. Thanksgiving is coming soon and i will see my family and drink their giblet filled gravy before i get to see your face again. i keep forgetting to photograph your feet. my nails are nothing. i saw my clients today and they were beautiful. i wish i could take them home. |
| Sunday, November 22nd, 2009 |
| 10:57 pm |
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| Saturday, November 21st, 2009 |
| 11:24 am |
messages to sally apple: "hey it's morning here and i had a dream about you last night..no actually it was this morning that i had a dream that we were walking around together. and your leg fell off! at the knee joint and the articular surfaces of the joint were completely flat and smooth like marble. and we were walking together in some neighborhood when your leg fell and you said "don't worry this sort of thing happens a lot." and then i thought.. o crap. maybe she is going to think this is some sort of omen and so i called back. "i just realized how creepy that message was. i didn't mean to scare you or sound creepy. i think i meshed the experience of having bill tell me about his sister almost losing a leg falling down the stairs and then the proposition of us getting together perhaps made me mesh the two experiences together in my head..so yeah, it wasn't meant to be creepy at all." |
| Wednesday, November 18th, 2009 |
| 9:22 am |
it was my first craniosacral therapy class. they decided to have a "go-round" and each person say a little something about yourself. i headed casually for the door and eneded up leaving the building without my coat because i couldn't handle the idea of reintroducing myself to anyone. the class was 4 hours long and i came back for the last 2. i don't know anything about craniosacral therapy from my 2 hours of participation. my clients took well to the shiatsu treatments. i improvised on monday and now i'm supposed to be writing a treatment plan based on an assessment of how each imbalance is connected and how it manifests in the client. although the assessment part sometimes doesn't make much sense. i'm lucky when it does. i wish i could bother laruocco, but it's too late. i have hours. |
| Tuesday, November 17th, 2009 |
| 9:39 pm |
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| Monday, November 16th, 2009 |
| 6:58 pm |
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| Saturday, November 14th, 2009 |
| 11:02 am |
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| Friday, November 13th, 2009 |
| 10:15 am |
i've been feeling very femme lately. or rather, what comes to mind when you want to be what was considered to be femme in the middle ages. but not middle aged. middle aged now is looking something like adolescence, which is never pretty. i'm not the type of artist that becomes other characters when they read and then the fans expect them to be that way in real life. so when they finally meet, the artist is someone completely different. it's not the way it is with me at all, all boasting aside. it's the weather. i don't know what my colors are today and the one person i would call up right now to ask them what my colors would probably be, is in an emergency situation with their sister and i shouldn't be bothering. plus, i should already be out of my apartment. i have a polarity therapy class now. |
| Wednesday, November 11th, 2009 |
| 8:23 pm |
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| 1:48 am |
when it's late and i'm up here alone, i start thinking about spirits haunting and i get afraid. you should be away from me only so i can come to terms with it. last night i was so glad you walked me outside because i was about to explode, trying to hoard the conjestion inward. i'll have to take care of the dust tomorrow. i let the time slip away. spending hours trying to get myself to actively begin one good thing for the future, and it worked. i feel lucky to have you because you might be the only person i've ever met who knows directly what it is to worship. if 2 oranges grew lips and sucked ravenously into each other, that would be us. i think once i said that sadness can defeat fear. maybe now i'm thinking, so can lust. i should definitely stay away from dairy. the itching just started after being gone all day. it was because of that yogurt. i put a lot of toxic chemicals in my hair again. Now it is peaceful. i wish you were here and i could watch you breathing all curled in my bed like a giant naked dog. today a girl made me excited. the attention of women is like a drug. it can never be taken for granted. "do you have strong hands?" "i don't know. do i?" "you do." "i get that a lot." it's been getting darker, earlier. i slept all day. i slept as i walked to the train. i slept through my class and all the way back again. |
| Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 |
| 11:28 am |
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| Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 |
| 10:55 pm |
she says everything so right. |
| 10:19 am |
"if you want you can take what i say the wrong way to the kansas in your mind. it's your trip." i got tv though i don't think it will last long. today i don't want to wear clothes and that means i should have a pill. i haven't been able to talk straight for 2 months but i've been having great sex. he's not young or buff but he's strong as hell and he SEES me. it creates quite a stir the first time someone looks at you and you realize they're looking right at you and that no one has ever really done that before. that idea could also be depressing. many veils. but i'm shielded, i could be the most enveloped item on the planet. panes of glass need to shatter before an actual meeting of the eyes with a grocery store fellow slicing my salmon halfway in spanish. i should hold my ground but nature is war. you can see for yourself, or Attenbourough can show you. we were watching an octopus fight to survive. i didn't even notice the commercials, but he did. i thought of going vegetarian again. you are what you eat, or eat what you are. i am more like a plant that a fighting puss. |
| 8:59 am |
billy found a dead mouse in his clothes. |
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n00t_gliimwoswa's journal
